Invite the bell to ring

Good advice

2007-06-06T16:11:34Z

From KARLFRIED GRAF VON DURKHEIM "The Way of Transformation"

"THE PERSON WHO, BEING REALLY on the way, falls upon hard times in the world will not, as a consequence, turn to that friend who offers them refuge and comfort and encourages their old self to survive. Rather, that person will seek out someone who will faithfully and inexorably help him or her to risk themselves, so that they may endure the suffering and pass courageously through it, thus making of it a “raft that leads to the far shore.”

Only to the extent that person exposes his or her self over and over again to annihilation, can that which is indestructible arise within themselves. In this lies the dignity of daring.

Thus, the aim of practice is not to develop an attitude which allows a person to acquire a state of harmony and peace wherein nothing can ever trouble him. On the contrary, practice should teach them to let themselves be assaulted, perturbed, moved, insulted, broken and battered – that is to say, it should enable them to dare to let go of their futile hankering after harmony, surcease from pain, and a comfortable life in order that they may discover, in doing battle with the forces that oppose them, that which awaits them beyond a world of opposites.

THE FIRST NECESSITY IS THAT WE SHOULD have the courage to face life, and to encounter all that is most perilous in the world. When this is possible, meditation itself becomes the means by which we accept and welcome the demons which arise from the subconscious – a process very different from the practice of concentration on some object as a protection against such forces.

Only if we venture repeatedly through zones of annihilation can our contact with Divine Being (which is beyond annihilation) become firm and stable. The more a person learns whole-heartedly to confront the world that threatens them with isolation, the more are the depths of the Ground of Being revealed and the possibilities of new life and Becoming opened."

Ripple effect

2007-04-13T14:17:50Z

I've been reading a lot in various Buddhist texts about the "Three Jewels" of mindfulness: Right speech, right action and right mind. The whole Don Imus debacle seems to me a really good example of the principle of "right speech" and how even negative and hateful speech, that the speaker thinks doesn't actually HARM anyone, can have a ripple effect, like a stone dropped in still pond.

Look at all the negative fallout already: not only was the Rutger's women's baskeball team insulted at a time when they should have been praised and Imus has been totally disgraced (why it took THIS long is anyone's guess, but anyway...), but NJ Gov. Corzine nearly died in a serious car accident on the way to the meeting and "apology" between to two parties at the Gov's mansion.

Not to say that Imus CAUSED Corzine's accient -- of course not -- but the chain of events clearly exemplifies that a seemingly innocuous action, just some words muttered, perhaps without thinking, on a raunchy radio show, can set off a reaction that leads to serious and unintended negative consequences for those who aren't even involved directly.

We all need to think more about what we say before we open our big mouths. Certainly I do.

Snicker

2007-04-09T20:13:52Z

A student once said: “When I was a Buddhist, it drove my parents and friends crazy, but when I am buddha, nobody is upset at all.”

--Jon Kabat-Zinn, Wherever You Go, There You Are

Focus

2007-04-06T14:44:06Z

Practicing a new meditation exercise where the meditator, once in a state of mindful awareness, begins to experiment with moving the focus of concentration from the breathing through the various chakras.

This pretty intense stuff. Almost like tripping, honestly. Akin to a controlled out-of-body experience, or, really an into-body-experience, since it's process of traveling inward rather than outward.

It left me with a profound sense of positive energy and peace when I was done.

Again, I feel very lucky that I seem to be able to do these kinds of meditative exercises rather naturally.

Myself

2007-04-05T14:31:10Z

Karuna is the practice of feeling compassion for YOURSELF and others

Mudita is the practice of taking joy in YOUR OWN positive actions and those of others

Buddhist philosophy aims for the ultimate state of non-being and egolesness, but it's practical too. You have to start somewhere, and that somewhere is with yourself. While Buddhism cultivates an attitude of selflesness, it's not a system of asceticism and self-martyrdom, either. The best thing a person can do to start down the path of compassionate virtue is to love themselves.

I've been working hard on learning to love myself again lately, and you know something? I think I do.

Another good book

2007-04-04T17:13:58Z

"Living in the Face of Death" edited by Glenn H. Mullin is an excellent survey of Tibetan writings on death and dying from various periods and regions. It covers everything from inspirational texts, devotional scriptures, prayers for the departed, meditation treatises and even texts on tantric practices of experiencing death while alive in preparation for the ultimate.

I haven't finished it yet, but it's been filled with gems of "carpe diem" and "momento mori" wisdom.

I'll share this one with you:

The merciless Lord of Death
Kills all beings without discrimination.
Hence for so long as he has not come,
The wise live in mindfulnes of him.

The Lord of Death, without procrastination,
Strikes suddenly at unexpected times.
Do not say, "I will begin practice tomorrow."
Engage in the supreme path now.

Water

2007-04-04T15:21:47Z

It's never too late, but it's also never too early.

Every second that passes, each time we exhale, we're dying. Every moment that passes is a moment that we'll never get back. Thinking, "I'll do that tomorrow, I have time" is a delusion. Life is precious and we only get one. Why waste it?

I've been thinking recently about the well-worn "glass half full vs. half empty" aphorism.

A Buddhist would say, "The glass is neither half full or half empty, because it's also both."

Think about that for a minute.

:)

Life is like a glass of water. It's full and empty at the same time, and the best part of it all is getting to be in the middle somewhere as neither AND both at the same time, resting peacfully on the still surface of the water, just BEING and not wasting time and energy arguing about appearances.

I think that's the true power of mindfulness -- learning to be an impartial observer of your own mind, and to float on the surface of that water.

Boredom

2007-04-02T16:35:13Z

Something I'm noticing lately is that a lot of negative emotion is generated by mental boredom. When the mind feels trapped, or stuck or like it can't get what it wants and doesn't want to wait, this leads to feelings like frustration, anger and hate. Lerning to meditate teaches you techniques that you can use anytime to keep your mind from falling victim to boredom. Meditation itself is a practice of seeing and feeling and understanding everything both inside you and around you more deeply and clearly. But when you're not formally meditating, you can use things like breathing to bring your mind out of negative patterns and back to being in the moment, where the joy or pure existence resides. Paying close attention this way, both during meditation and at any other time opens up such a vast spectrum of nuances that it's impossible for the mind to become bored. You can literally find fascination with anything and any situation and you start to feel an excitement, rather than fear, of the unexpected. This is something very powerful, and I consider myself lucky to be learning that it's possible.

A simple example is that once you learn to really KNOW your breathing intimately through consciouss mindfulness during meditation, for instance, you can very eaily consciously focus on the most minute details of your breath entering and exiting your body. You can do this ANY time you want. What I've discovered is that in moments of frustration and mental boredom, such as being stuck in a traffic jam, or waiting in a long line, focusing on breathing keeps my mind from becming bored. The more I pay attention to the minute details of my breath, feeling the air pass across my nostrils and into my sinuses and down into my lungs, noticing every sensation and fluctuation and feeling in the process and then repeating this on exhalation, time actually ceases to matter. Everything around me comes into clearer focus and my brain can't get a lock on negative feelings because it's got plenty of information to keep it interested.

The best part is that mindful breathing is NOT the same as "tuning out" (and neither is meditation, really, if practiced correctly -- if anything it's a process of intensely "tuning IN") so you can use it anywhere, anytime, in any situation.

In other Buddhist news, I read a truly life-altering book this weekend:

"When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron.

I highly recommend it to anybody, in any situation, but particulary for anyone who's feeling lost and confused about life in general, and is looking for some help focusing.

Crazy

2007-03-30T16:02:55Z

Here's a passage from a book about beginning meditation that I thought was both funny and accurate:

"Somewhere in this process, you will come face-to-face with the sudden and shocking realization that you are completely crazy. Your mind is a shrieking, gibbering madhouse on wheels barreling pell-mell down the hill, utterly out of control and hopeless. No problem. You are not crazier than you were yesterday. It has always been this way, and you just never noticed. You are also no crazier than everybody else around you. The only real difference is that you have confronted the situation; they have not. So they still feel relatively comfortable. That does not mean that they are better off. Ignorance may be bliss, but it does not lead to liberation. So don't let this realization unsettle you. It is a milestone actually, a sigh of real progress. The very fact that you have looked at the problem straight in the eye means that you are on your way up and out of it."

Free meditiation book and Indian Arts festival

2007-03-29T18:21:45Z

Anyone interested in various Buddhist meditation practices may want to check out this book, available in full online for free:

http://realization.org/page/namedoc0/mipe/mipe_0.htm

I haven't read it all the way through myself yet, but what I have read so far is good. It's coming from the Theravanda tradition, but the techniques and practices described are pretty basic and central to all forms of Buddhism (not to mention other Eastern traditions like Brahmanism and Yoga).

Another site I've found, which contains a lot of useful information on Buddhist and other meditative practices, is here:

http://buddhism.kalachakranet.org/meditation_practice.html

In other news, the Westchester Arts Council is sponsoring a weekend festival called "The Arts of India" the weekend of April 13th, 14th and 15th. I'm seriously connsidering attending the dance performance and concert on Saturday, April 14th at 8PM.

Info. is here, in case anyone else is interested:

http://www.westarts.com/index.php?module=pagemaster&PAGE_user_op=view_page&PAGE_id=38

Thought for the day

2007-03-29T15:32:50Z

"If I have a cruel thought or if my words carry hatred in them, then those thoughts and words will be reborn. It will be difficult to catch them and pull them back. They are like a runaway horse. We should try not to allow our actions of body, speech and mind to take us in the direction of wrong action, wrong speech and wrong thinking."

--Thich Nat Hanh

Meditation

2007-03-26T16:35:41Z

I've had a lot of sucess with focused meditation over the last week. When I was younger and involved in martial arts, I used to meditate frequently. Getting into a deep meditative state has always been relatively easy for me, and I had forgotten.

I've meditated daily for at least 30 minutes at a time for over a week now. As a result, I've had a clearer mind, I've been much more relaxed, and I've had an easier time controlling negative emotions and not allowing them to take over my reality when I feel them coming on.

As a subject of meditation, I've chosen to focus on universal, unattached love and compassion. This has been good for me in reducing my need for affection and attention, and feeling like I have no object of direction for my own feelings of love.

Basic Buddhist concepts were stressed in the "Meditation for world peace" class I attended on Sunday when I visited the Kadampa temple in Glen Spey, NY -- which is the "home base" of the nun who's been giving the anger and stress management class I've been going to on Thursday nights.

Love is not the same thing as selfish attachment to a partner, and consequently, happiness is not the same thing as pleasures of the senses.

Inner happiness and peace of mind arises as the result of virtuous action, and can be everlasting and all-consuming, while selfish attachment and pursuit of sensory pleasures can only ever be transitory, impermanent and lead to feelings of disappointment, dissatisfaction, distraction, and guilt.

Again, I'm not necessarily accepting these concepts as truth like they're doctrine, because that's the same thing as going to "Church" and not considering how the moral teachings of Christianity or Judaism or Islam relate to and can improve your daily life.

However, I'm finding a lot of solace for my broken heart in the idea of the impermanence of relationships and universal pure love versus the selfish expectation that any partner can ever truly make you happy. True happiness is within, or at least it CAN be found there, if it's cultivated.

Also, I know I still love Sarabeth. I don't love anyone else that way. I don't think I can, and I don't want to, either. I don't need sex, I don't need even returned affection. I can still love her, purely, and selflessly, and not expect anything at all in return, and feel good about that love and good about myself as a result of it, in its purity.

Right now, that's a better place for me to be than searching for another relationship that can only ever be doomed to fail, frustrate, and leave me broken and miserable. I've never had a realtionship that didn't end that way, so perhaps the lesson here is that maybe I should stop looking for happiness there and find some other way to express love and keep it in my heart.

Wisdom for the day

2007-03-20T20:03:52Z

"What can you do to him now that you are so angry with him? Will you be able to destroy his morality, and other virtues? Have you not come here as a result of your own deeds, and will the manner of your going away not also be determined by your own deeds? To get angry with someone is like wanting to hit others with glowing coals, red-hot crowbars, excrement, etc., after one has taken them into one's hands.

And he also, who is so angry, what can he do to you? Can he destroy your morality, or other virtues? He also has come here as a result of his own deeds, and the manner of his going away is likewise determined by his own deeds. Let this wrath of his be like a present which is not accepted; let it be like a handful of dust thrown against the wind; it will only fall on his own head."

-- Buddhaghosa, "The Path of Purity"

In case anyone is wondering

2007-03-16T04:46:12Z

Taizen maboroshi in Japanese means "content dream" or "peaceful spirit"

I liked the word maboroshi because it ends in "roshi", the Japanese word for a zen master.

Patient acceptance

2007-03-16T04:35:11Z

Went to a class on anger management and the concept of patient acceptance tonight. Good stuff, though more difficult to put into practice than rationalize.

Things to think about:

"There is no situation, no matter how dismal or horrible, that can ever be improved by anger."

I'm not sure I agree with this 100%, but I understand the principle, and would say that in MOST cases, it's probably true. I think I might qualify it and say that no situation can be improved by EXPRESSED anger. Sometimes, anger can be a good motivator, but I suppose that once you find other more positive means of motivation, anger can be left behind.

"If there is a remedy, why be angry? If there is no remedy, again, why be angry?"

The truth of such a statement is pretty self-evident.

Again, a lot of basic Buddhism in practice is about slowing down and gaining perspective before allowing your impulses to get the better of you. I think that regardless of any spirituality, I can cetainly benefit from anything that will help me stay calm, focused, practical and help me keep my quick temper and impulsiveness in check.

I've missed, I think, over the many years I've tried to deal with painful and overwhelming emotions with drugs or cutting or other negative and destructive actions, a certain clarity of mind that I know, once long ago, I posessed.

I want it back.

"Patience is the ability to calmly and joyfully accept any situation wholeheartedly and not expect it be any different than it is."

This is a tough one to practice, but even attempting to apply it to small things which are irritating and stressful yet beyond control can also be helpful.

One thing I know I lack and have always had a problem with is patience. Living in a world of tantalizing instant gratification, I expect it. I have to work on that, just like I need to work on understanding that the most productive and self-serving action is that of selflessness. I am currently a much more selfish person than is good for me or those around me.

"Desire leads to dissatisfaction, disappointment and ultimately suffering. We suffer when we don't get what we want, when get something other than what we want, or when we get what we want AND along with it, something we don't want."

Also pretty typical basic Buddhist thinking. I'm not one of those abnegators of all personal property or anything, but I DO try not to get too attached to belongings and material things.

But desire can be for immaterial things too. Desire must be mitigated by an acceptance that most of the time, we DON'T get what we want. Being able to turn a situation that would normally lead to disappointment or dissatisfaction into a positive, or at the very least to diffuse it rather than letting it control your mind to the point of producing negative and destructive action is pretty powerful stuff.

Poetry

2007-03-14T19:42:28Z

The following entry is crossposted from my "private" journal, because though it contains some sensitive and semi-private information, it really belongs here:

One of things I like so far about Buddhist practice is that it encourages creativity as a practical tool.

When there's something bothering you, something you feel you can't control, something that's a problem or obstacle in your life, it's more or less expected that in addition spending time in meditation on the subject you compose poetry or even create other artwork inspired by your feelings.

The object of this is clear: it forces you to stop and really consider things in a controlled and meaningful way. You can't write a poem about something without really thinking about it. The same thing goes for other forms of expression. Deep, introspective thought about something mingled with some creativity can lead you to unexpected realizations, perspective and potential solutions. Thinking about problems, fears and obstacles in the form or artistic expression also has the effect, at least for me, of making them less overwhelming, because it's a process that goes beyond just thinking about the problem itself in isolation and expecting yourself to immediately come up with a solution out of thin air. That kind of expectation is scary to me, and causes me to panic and ultimately behave in a very negative manner for myself and especially those around me.

Another positive function of composing short poems on troubling subjects (or, for that matter any subjects at all) is the idea of creating what are known as "gathas" or recitations. Gathas are a bit like mantras and sutras, except they are self-composed and personal. You can use gathas to help curtail impulsive behavior. Once you've created a gatha on something you know is a recurring problem in your life, you can turn to it when you recognize those feelings coming on again. Just the action of remembering and reciting the gatha is often enough to slow you down and put you in a state of what Buddhists like to call "mindfulness" or more focused awareness and not simply reactionary impulse or instinct. Stopping, slowing down and thinking, you're able to see that what you're doing is impulsive and the result of negative thinking -- and since you've slowed down and allowed yourself to gain control, you can curtail negative behavior before it even happens.

What I like about this approach most is that you're using your own words and thoughts to guide you. For someone like me, who will most likely always have a problem submitting to any kind of authority, this is good and useful where the commands, pronouncements and rules of others fail.

This morning, on the way to work, I composed a short gatha in the form of a haiku about drug abuse. It goes like this:

I will not use drugs
Drugs hasten my death, drugs
harm those I love most

Whenever I feel like I want to use drugs, I can recite the gatha to give me some perspective and allow me to focus on NOT doing the drugs because of their destructive consequences, rather than only thinking about a short-term high and alleviating whatever pain I may be feeling that's making me WANT to do drugs in the first place.

Gathas (and mantras and sutras as well) are nice because they distract you from anything but the kernel and most important aspect of any given moment, especially ones of potential weakness. Buddhist thinking is all about "one-pointedness" and focus. In fact, Buddhists often speak of things being "non-dual" even, because the idea of one implies that there is a two. This is helpful when it's difficult to make a decision about something and you're trying to hone in and focus. Gathas are also an ego boost, because when you recite them, you can say, "Those are MY words, and that is MY wisdom, I'm not as weak and stupid as I thought".

Obviously, this is something that takes practice, but it's a tool I never had at my disposal before, and I think it can help me. A lesson I'm learning through Buddhism is that your awareness and deeper consciousness doesn't have to be (and shouldn't be) limited only to periods of scheduled meditation. It should be constant, as much as possible. Even the act of simple breathing exercises that take, say, a minute or thirty seconds can help and it's better than nothing at all.

What I like about Buddhism is that it's more of a spiritual philosophy than a "religion", and it's simultaneously all about you and about everything. In your self-examination, you strive to see the paths from you to everything else in the universe and how your thoughts and actions are related to and affect everything from those around you, to the planet and the cosmos. So, you're allowed your own freedom of thought and decision, you're encouraged to make up your own mind and to not accept anything on simple "faith" alone, yet, you're part of something bigger and you're always aware that you're NOT alone, really. Wrapping my mind around this concept, especially at my darker moments, is difficult, but when I CAN get it through the layers of pain I'm feeling now, it's comforting and gives me hope.

I don't feel "better" about my life yet, and I still have a lot that upsets me and I know I have far to go and a lot of work on myself to do, but today, I'm smiling a little more than yesterday.

Enlightenment is a smile, a smile of peace and satisfaction with your entire essence and being. I may not be there yet, but every time I smile, I know I'm headed in that direction.

An end is always a beginning

2007-03-14T18:35:41Z

Over the years, I've discovered that writing is an important way to assist me in an ongoing quest for personal understanding. Already, I keep two LiveJournals, one for things I'm comfortable sharing with a large group of friends and acquaintences, some of whom I've never met, and another for recording very personal reflections that I need to express, but want only those very close to me, who I trust implicitly to read. I'm not a fan of entirely private entries, mostly because I enjoy and often benefit from the observations of others, and simply because I enjoy the conversation.

Over the last week or so, I've started to explore seriously the fundamentals of Buddhist philosophy and spirituality. I've made a few entries to both my existing journals related to Buddhism, but increasingly, I feel that my exploration needs its own place.

So, here it is.

I'm not going to lock this journal down at all, it will be open to anyone who wants to read it, or comment on my observations and experiences.

Many aspects of my life up till now are coming or have already come to a close. Others are changing dramatically. This is a difficult time for me, and my search for self-insight has been both fruitful, but also painful.

Still, every door has two sides (at least) and closing is also always opening.

I open the door, open myself, open my mind and spirit, and invite the bell to sound.